So Anxious Annie sounds like she should be some kind of super hero, she's really not! She's whatever the complete opposite of a super hero would be. She's scared of everything and she's even scared of being scared. And obviously she doesn't really exist, she's me or i'm her? oh i don't know but i know that i live daily with anxiety and i hope that by writing on here about living with generalised anxiety disorder and panic disorder i could give people some understanding of what its like to live like this.
So 4 years ago i was in someway living a 'normal' life, i say normal because it was a life before anxiety. I'd leave the house, i saw friends and family and never really worried about anything. Then came february 2009, i was 3 weeks away from getting married and 9 weeks pregnant with our first baby, i couldn't of been happier. Then my world came crashing round me, i lost the baby.
Losing a baby wasn't something i had even thought could happen to me, not in a selfish kind of way just in a its one of those things that happens to other people kind of way. 6 months on from this i fell pregnant again, and this is when anxious annie moved in! Little did i know this unwelcome guest would still be here nearly 4 years on.
So i'm now left with constant worry, i don't just mean i worry about the bills or i worry about my son falling over, i worry about everything! Will i crash the car? What if i have a heart attack? What if i have cancer? What if i make a fool of myself? What if i have a panic attack? What if people judge me?........ Ok so you get the picture, my whole world is now contained in the 4 walls of my house because this is my 'safe place' i'm ok if i stay at home. I have a 2 year old boy and i feel like i let him down, i feel incredibly guilty because i can't take him for a walk, to the park, to playgroup etc.
I've tried 3 lots of CBT and they work at the time, but out of therapy i find it hard to put the things they teach you into practice. I have been offered antidepressants by gp after gp after gp but i can't take them because the side effects make me anxious. So what now? Is this the way i have to live? I've lost all my friends and nearly all my family because they don't understand anxiety, they don't understand why i cancel plans or why i won't leave my house. I'm hoping that writing this blog will help me understand my anxiety a bit more.
Anxious Annie
I feel your pain. My anxiety started a year ago with a panic attack at the airport. It was the worst experience of my life. I have found a blog that is very helpful. I also tried antidepresents and the side effects made me feel worse. I have a few klonopins on me at all times just incase I have a panic attack. I haven't had one since december but it is nice to know I have them to help stop it. Almost like my security blanket. I sometimes don't want to live the apartment but I make myself. I found that the more you make yourself live a normal life the less your anxiety sticks around. You are not alone and I know about family just not understanding. You went through something very tragic and your body is dealing with it. Check out this blog. It helped me a lot. I hope it helps you. http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/
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