A long day!

I wonder if Anxious Annie will ever leave? Is this my life forever now? Will I never go more than half an hour from home because i start to panic? Went to my local shop today for bread for my little one's lunch, took me 3 hours to get the confidence to step out the front door, life shouldn't be like this. I only have a 2 minute walk to my local shop, and as soon as i stepped through the door my head started spinning, my vision went blurry, my heart started pounding and i felt really on edge and like everyone could tell i was panicking. My biggest worry (and i know it sounds silly) but my biggest worry when i'm in a shop is when i get to the till to pay is my hand will go numb and i won't be able to pay and i'll look really silly.

So anyway even though i was panicked and in a state i made it to the shop and home again in one piece with my loaf of bread. I hate the physical symptoms that comes with anxiety, my first thought isn't that the symptoms are associated with my anxiety its that there is something seriously wrong. I'm scared of dying (you've know idea how hard it was for me to write that), I can't say the 'd' word out loud i can't say cancer (eeek) either, i feel like if i mention it, then it will happen to me like i'm tempting fate or something. Yes the rational side of me does know how ridiculous that sounds don't worry!

I can't watch the news or read newspapers, i avoid anything that will put worries in my head. And i know some people would say to me avoidance is not the answer, but sometimes you just gotta do what gets you through the day. I don't ever relax or wind down, i'm convinced if i relax then i'm letting my guard down and something bad will happen. I drive my poor other half mad because i don't sit back on the sofa i sit on the very edge of the seat and i make the cushions go flat (oops).

Ok so i've probably waffled enough for tonight, i strangely feel better for letting all the waffle out. Maybe this blog malarky is a good thing...